I pushed off the white hospital bed to my bare feet. My back was stooped forward from the pain in knees that were too swollen to straighten. I made a first step. The ankle hurt sharply as it bent forward. The knee was a dull intense pain as the joint surfaces rubbed against each other like the big drum of an orchestra. My hip was mostly tight. I had to pull hard on the muscles. I wobbled to arrive at the end of my first step.

Hospital room were always bare — bleak, white walls spare for the wooden cross and the decade old TV at the ceiling. The day outside was drab and cloudy, nothing to miss. I was going for the cross.

Each step haunted my body with half a dozen agonies. I felt like a battlefield in World War II. A soldier was groaning with a bullet in his body, crawling forward. That’s how my achy shoulder felt. Every step jarred it a little, and I had to pinch my lips together just like the dying soldier soldiering on. Just like that other soldier storming into the enemy ditch with a drawn saber, just as much was my effort futile. The age and disease were pulling me under no matter my bravado. I could not win. I could not surrender.

Finally, I reached the wall at the foot of my bed. To raise my hands up to the cross, I had to pull my right hand with my left hand. The shoulders were too painful to lift my hands over head. And, there it was that cross resting in my hands. A cross represented superstition and suppression of all the joys of life with rules. At worst, it was an effort to consider disease as a possession by evil spirits. The cross was to ward them off. That always made me queasy. I felt myself like a spawn of evil with a black hard.

Actually, it wasn’t so much that I did really bad things to people it. It was more that to deserve so much punishment of my body, I had to be really evil in the eyes of a benevolent father god or have collected massively bad karma. I still remember a yoga teacher telling us about karma. “Some people have such bad karma,” he said, “that you can feel it in their birth room. It’s so heavy on them already as babies.” I was shunned by people and blessed with frowns of disgust by people. That had always made me feel queasy at the idea of waking up one day shivering in a corner as far away from the cross, because suddenly it had taken power.

Those are my private thoughts. I’d never let anyone know the darkness that I harbor. I placed the cross down on the TV ledge and returned to my bed. Not a moment later did the nurse enter. I bellowed a warm good morning. I made sure to sing-song my voice to make it sound friendly. She asked how I was doing. I gave her an upbeat “better every day” with a smile.

The nurse was gorgeous. She looked like the models from magazine covers. She was tall, slender. Her legs were long and smooth. She had blond hair that was twisted on top of her head. Her face was long, slender, very feminine. There was bright red lip stick on her lips. Her eyes were painted elegant like for a night out in the town. She wore red high heels that lifted her up considerably. It gave her gait swing and staccato. Her nurse uniform was the kicker. It was a bright white jacket, that reached down to the middle of her thigh. It was form fitting tight. Her ample breast shaped the uniform.

Her legs were bare. The skin was blemish free and taut. I ogled her legs almost unembarrassed. I am an old man. Her face had already given me a scorn. She saw in me the old man with the wrinkles. She saw in me the abomination lying on my back with my neck fused so that it wouldn’t even touch the pillow. Yeah, people always ask me, if I am uncomfortable. However, my neck muscles are completely relaxed. My spine is simply like a stick holding me up. I saw the disgust at my sight playing in the corners of her mouth.

So, I did not care anymore. I starred at her knees to see the dimples in them. Her knees were so slender and flexible. I followed up her thighs. The lowest button of her medical coat was five inches from the bottom hem. When she made steps, the fabric parted like a triangle. It revealed glimpses into her intimate inside of her thighs. I had no illusions. There was too much fabric. I would not see her panties. Yet, I was rapt with attention like a cat that lay in hiding to stalk a mouse for hours.

She kept the conversation minimal to check off her chart. Did I have a bowel movement? She took my pulse and blood pressure. She sniffed the air for a moment to make me feel guilty. The last step was to lower the railing on the bed. It was so silly. Someone in the hospital administration had thought that raising and lowering were a special touch, kind of like wakeup and turn down service in a fancy hotel moves the remote control from the bedside stand to the coffee table.

To get to the railing on the other side of the bed, she had to lean over. It meant that she was coming into my personal space. I was laying there with the blankets kicked off, because I was hot. I was wearing a pajama. Hospitals always make you were gowns that leave your butt waving in the air. It’s never about better access for doctors to your body. It’s always about giving you a uniform, so that you accept that you are the sick person, or at least, so that you are humiliated. In either case, it’s to make you pliable to follow the doctor’s orders, no matter how much of a quack he is.

They never allow you to lie in a hospital bed in a sharp suit with a tie. No, that would deem too much respect. I tried it once. The old head nurse then got agitated. She would not calm down until I slipped into a pajama. A pajama was a half way compromise between the humiliation gown and a dress suit.

So, I was going to give the nurse a little respect and privacy by turning my head away, when she had to lean over so close to my light gray and white striped pajama pants. However, I caught a glimpse in the corner of my eyes of her fabric between the buttons bulging up. Each space between a button the front down her body lifted into a half circle. All the way from the top to the bottom of her medical jacket, I could see underneath.

Underneath, I saw her bare skin. Her belly was flat and taut. Her breasts were in a snuggly fitting light blue lace bra. Her panties were tight, dark blue lace ones. I saw the top of her thighs. I saw a little bare skin of her inside boob. My eyes scanned up and down, trying to take in as much detail as I had. Her skin was young. She was perhaps in her mid-twenties.

I had an immediate reaction. The loose fabric of my cotton pajama pants had ripples in them. My cock tried to camouflage as a thick ripple. She knew. She sniffed with disdain. Yet, she didn’t say anything. It only confirmed her view as me as a subhuman dirty old man. I could tell in her eyes that I was beyond remedy and normal human connection.

I can’t blame her. With my neck stiff, I watched people through the corners of my eyes. That always exposed a lot of white of my eye that gave me a scared and horrified look, even though I was merely looking at someone.

The doctor came in. He was wearing a suit and tie. The white medical coat flapped over the dress without being buttoned. He had a little brown beard over his lip, which tried to give him a refined look with his designer glasses. The nurse stepped back and raised her chest in attention with her hands clutched together.

“File,” barked the doctor without looking at the nurse. The nurse handed him my file with the elbow straight from a distance. The doctor took one short look and threw it on the floor with a thundering voice. “This is shit — absolute shit,” he yelled at the nurse with spit flying from his mouth ripped wide open. “Pick that up,” he added more quietly.

Then he turned to me with forced composure. His lips were pointed almost whistling, when he addressed me. “I apologize for the incompetence of my staff. I will take personally care that you will receive a high standard of care. As punishment, the nurse will be scrubbing all the toilets.”

“Excuse me,” said the nurse weakly. “We have a janitor. And, I have a big patient load.”

The doctor looked the nurse up and down. It wasn’t an ogling look. It was more a look of restraint anger. Then with a sharp voice, he turned to me, “do you think that she looks hot, attractive?” I feared a trick question and reluctantly nodded, “yes, she is quite a looker.” The doctor had been impatient for me to finish my slow response. He spoke on with passion. “Yes, her looks got her through nursing school. However, that ends now. Now, she has to actually proof herself. Her looks mean nothing here. It’s back to basics for her.”

The nurse had a pale shocked face. Yet, there was a hint of defeat, like this wasn’t the first time, like she had to endure those outbursts over and over. There were no tears. It was lifeless defeat.

“Show our patient what you know. What is amoxicillin indicated for?”

“Bacterial infections like pneumonia, bronchitis…”

“That’s enough. You got lucky.”

The nurse was slightly shaking. The doctor was staring at the chart and calming down. I had seen a lot during my hospital visits: drunken doctors that threw up in front of me, doctors blatantly ordering the wrong medication and forging the charts, immature nurses that played tricks on each other with patient poo. If you stay a little longer than a polite half hour visit during visitation hours, there is a lot that goes on in hospitals. This was new to me.

The doctor called for the head nurse. The head nurse was a forty year old short, big belly lady with a bossy face. She wore blue scrubs. She sent the nurse away. The doctor left. She looked over the room. I asked her, why the young nurse was dressed so provocatively. The head nurse bluntly replied that everyone in the hospital was allowed to wear their personal clothes, except for the young nurse. She had dressed inappropriately and was now required to wear the official uniform. I protested that the official uniform was surely a little tighter, kind of like the sexy stewardess uniforms from the 70’s. The head nurse ignored me and left the room.

I spent the afternoon trying to swat a fly. See, when you are as handicapped as I am, there is no chance of me ever getting the fly. My hand moves slowly as molasses as the joints creek and my ligaments scream in pain. However, it is good exercise. It keeps me moving. It’s a lot more entertaining than the physical therapy of raising and lowering my arm fifty times. At least it keeps me from turning on the TV and dulling my mind with that trash. So, I slowly shuffled around the hospital room all day chasing the fly. I named her ‘Daisy.’ I don’t know why. If you spend a couple hours chasing the same fly, it just gets personal.

By the time that the young nurse came back for the evening check-in, I was lying in bed. Outside was the half-light of dawn telling me that another day of my life had passed. I was still panting from the fly chase. My chest is rigid. So, getting air is not that easy. My belly was pumping up and down. Because my body is so frail and thin, when my belly pops out for an inhale, it’s like a balloon rising. I was slightly sweaty. My clothes were a tumbled mess. My long combed hair was trailing down my face.

The nurse worked over my chart in a solemn way. The bounce was out of her step. If I were to work with people like the doctor, I’d feel like a beaten puppy as well. My thoughts did not dwell much on her sad life. The blood pooled in my loin for another old geezer boner. As anticipated the whole afternoon, she leaned over again to raise the bed railing. Again I got a wonderful inside gaze unto her bare skin under the medical coat. It was like BBC Planet Earth — the world’s most beautiful pictures.

Out of nowhere, I got the impulse to push her head down onto my penis. I swear that I did not plan this. I have never done this before. It was a flash of a thought. Before I properly vetted it, my hands were on the back of her head pushing her head down to the loin of my gray and white striped pajamas. She impulsively pushed back with her head. There is no way that I could have held her down with my rotten body. However, after her instinctive reaction passed, she gave up. She just gave up.

I had her face hovering two inches of my pajamas groin. She had lushes red lips. Her eyes were warm and blue. The blond strands of hair were thick and smooth. Her cheeks were high and a little rosy. It was the most erotic thing that I had seen in a long time.

One part of my brain rebelled that I was in big trouble and needed to let go. Another, treacherous part told me to go with it. “Go with it. It’ll feel so good. Just do it. Do it.” We stood there in a standoff. The nurse was calm like a lamb led to slaughter. Her body posture was slumped and defeated. I went with the second voice.

I quickly pulled down the draw string pajamas. With my groin naked and penis stiff, I pressed her lips against my penis lengthwise. The sense of her pressed, moist lips against the length of my shaft felt delicious. The second voice in my head congratulated me with a ripple of good emotions through my body. I felt sweet saliva of pleasure rising in my mouth.

I thought, she’d struggle with her jaw clenched. However, after she felt my penis on her luscious lips, she opened her mouth and took my penis in. She gave me a blow job. I guided her head up and down with my hands on the back of her head. My fingers curled under her locks to get a better grip. It was the best thing that I had felt in years. I felt guilty, yet the heat of pleasure drove me on to keep going.

She paused for a moment to talk to my penis without turning to me with a sad voice, “everyone is just taking advantage of me and talking down to me. I don’t deserve to be treated well anymore. Those doctors make me take so much shit. And, I take and I take. And, this little dick, it’s just one more thing. I can’t fight anymore. I have no more fight in me.”

Tears ran down her face. A pouch of sadness filled in my stomach. I was shocked. I was shocked at the suffering that I saw bursting out of her. It made me feel horrible. I felt like I was drowning a cat in a bag in the river. Her whole slump and soft sobs were so sad.

Yet, she sucked. Her lips were puckered to show the outline of her teeth. She sucked my cock with the most intense pleasure. I could not stop it. I was stuck in a boat carousing toward a deadly waterfall. I knew of the impending crash. I knew how horrible, yet I forced her head down again with my hand. There were dark age spots on my hands. I wore a big golden ring with a red seal. Her hair was tussled by now from my pushes on the back of her head. My hand was really just resting on the back of her head with my bad joints. She was doing all the work.

My free hand reached up the inside of her thighs. Her skin felt deluxe, smooth, warm. I slowly moved up to her panties. The bottom of her buttocks were small and pointed. The dark blue lace panties had a firm fabric. I lifted the medical jacket over her butt to expose the cute butt. It was surely trained by Pilates Reformer. That’s what young girls did to get those sexy bodies. I ran my fingers along the edge of her panties. I lifted them to explore the tender skin underneath. I was so happy.

She paused for another moment. She whimpered, “in a twisted way, this feels so good. I have felt treated like scum since I started at this hospital. Though, I couldn’t say anything. Now, I am literally scum for sucking a disgusting, disease riddled, old man’s cock. It’s such a relief. Nobody has ever raped me in this hospital. However, every day, every waking and sleeping hour, I feel raped. And, people can’t see it. And, now it is open. And, I’m crying again. Oh, it’s such a relief to cry. My tears had dried up. You are a rotten monster to shove your cock up my mouth. But, I’m at the bottom of my life. I feel good to let that feeling out.”

Another shock to my belly. I had forgotten in the waves of pleasure how poor that woman felt about her life. It turned my guts over. At the same time, my loin was on fire. I was near the point of no return. Her wet mouth was running up and down my dick. Her ass was sticking out. She could feel it coming as well. Her hand wrapped around the base of my penis that’s he couldn’t reach with her lips. She started pumping that part as well.

It was unfair, because I knew that I’d only hold out for four more strikes. I squeezed my perineum to hold back the juice in my balls. And, then the unconscious control of my brain overrode it and the jizz shot into her mouth. She doubled her efforts of sucking hard. It spurted out of me and into her without my control. The intense pleasure in my head welled up.

I told her to stop. She was still sucking hard, yet my penis had turned sensitive. She looked at me like a lost lamb.

“Are you going to tell? I’m in big trouble, right?”

“I can’t tell. I have made complaints in the beginning. Though, they always turn it around to make it my fault and heap punishment on me.”

“There surely must be an ethics committee to oversee the hospital.”

“Yes, the doctor is the head of it. If I ever made a complaint, they’d make sure that I’d never practice again.”

“I feel horrible.”

“That makes you a little more human than they.”

“You have all the evidence in your mouth.”

She swallowed. Then, she opened her mouth. She stuck out her ping, wet tongue. She pressed her tongue against the roof of her mouth to show me the underside. “It’s all gone.” She smiled. I pointed to a drop of white sperm that was hanging down from the side of her mouth. She picked it up with her finger and licked it off. “Happy?” I nodded in a very confused way.

A moment ago, I was on my way to a life sentence. The next moment, my victim destroyed all the evidence for me. She saw my hesitation, “without evidence, it would be your word against mine.” I slowly nodded. She left.

I slept very restless that night. I always sleep restless, because my body hurts in the same position and makes me move around all night. However, tonight I was horny as a dog from the memories of the day. And, I was soaking with sweet from the terror of getting into trouble. There was nothing that I could do. I tried to slow my breathing to calm down my pounding heart. All I could do was wait until the jitters would go on their own.

The next day, every time she came, I was filled with terror that robbed all of my thoughts. I tried to not to glean glances under her white medical coat. She was sexy. There was no way of controlling that feeling.

In the evening, my door opened unexpectedly. The broom like strip under the door scraped over the linoleum floor. It was quiet out in the hallway. The day staff had left already. Only the night staff was left to handle emergencies. The click-clock of her high heels was unmistakable. It was soft, because she was depressed. Yet, the shoes themselves were so pointed that they always made a sound.

She pulled a chair next to my bed. I looked at her quiet with panic. This time, my eyes watching her through the corners showing a lot of white were really showing fear.

“I just want to talk.” Oh, there we go. I better admit my guilt and swear to never do it again. “I have nobody to talk to anymore. Ever since starting to work here, I have no more time for outside friends. They all dropped away forgetting about me.”

“I’m sorry,” I said genuinely. I knew what it felt to have friends drop away. My disease took a lot of my strength that other people would have spent to solidify their social ties.

“They assigned me not only a double or triple shift. They have done that before. This time, I’m not allowed to leave the hospital for a whole week. Can you imagine how bleak a life looks like with only work, no break, no joy, no friendly contact? I can’t even visit my mother this weekend.”

“I kind of do. I spend weeks in the hospital with nothing but four bleak walls and a house of a pain. Why do you confess to me?”

“I know that you won’t talk. I talked to other patients before. Tidbits always found their way back to other nurses. And, they’d use it against me. I put roses on someone’s desk, and I’m guilty of violating hospital policy. I refuse roses on the bedside, and I am guilty of being a lacking compassion.”

Tears ran down her face. The blue in her eyes became even clearer as the emotion surfaced. I carefully put my arm on her back. She surrendered and leaned forward on my chest. She curled up with her arms in front of her chest.

“Why don’t you quit?”

“If I quit early in my five year program, I need their recommendation letter to continue it at another hospital. They made clear that they’d give me the worst letter possible. I’m going crazy. All the pressure is making me prone to depression and anxiety. From my medical knowledge, I know that. However, I can’t shake the horrible worthless feelings that I have in me. I feel worthless, but I can’t tell anybody.”

I gently petted her hair in long strokes. Her intense breathing calmed. A soft shudder of sadness rolled out of her.

She continued, “when people look at me, they only see how hot I am. It scares them. Everyone always thinks that I get a free ride. However, I have to study harder than everyone else. The oral examinators are always harder on me. I can tell. I compared the questions. And, nobody is helping me. They always pick the people that they think are the smartest. The hot blondie couldn’t possibly be smart. Patients look at me uneasy. They never say anything. However, their eyes are more tormenting than words could be. They don’t trust that a hot young woman could poke a vein properly. I learned that in my first year.”

The words poured out of her with deep sighs. I softly rocked her. I hadn’t had a human connection in the last decade of my year. I felt connected to my youth, when friends openly cried on my shoulder and we shared secrets.

For a long time, she was quiet. We took in the silence of the hospital night. She continued with caution. “You are a paraya as well. With your stiff body and haunted facial expressions, people look at you with disgust. I’m not trying to hurt you. It’s the truth. People are terrified that if they’d touch you, some of that beyond human deformation would leap onto them. They want to be with happy people.”

“In a way, you are right. I feel that.”

“I felt such freedom, when you took me. A lot of times, I feel like I deserve better. I got really good scored on my medical exams. I look good. I work out. However, I am treated like shit. And, so I struggle to hold up that I am worth something. And, it’s a struggle. You seemed low and disgusting. And, by being thrown on you, I felt like I could let go of that struggle. It is sick. I want to be humiliated by you again. I want to feel free for a few minutes again. Just for a few minutes, I don’t have to hold myself up against everyone telling me that I suck. Just for a few minutes, I want to be as debased as everyone sees me that I can stop struggling against it.”

I felt like protesting. Multiple words poured out of my brain into my mouth. It was like three people trying to get out the door at the same time. The words got stuck against each other. Only huffing air poured out of me.

“Have sex with me. I’m the only night nurse left.”

I still felt like protesting. However, the offer was too good. I had spent enough times in my life hesitating. Each time, I had told me to snap an opportunity without thought and suffer the consequences. Now, I was fast.

“Yes,” I pulled my drawstring pajamas down my butt. My cock was already hard from the warm embrace. I had simply tried to ignore it being the good guy.

She pulled her panty down and over her red high heels. She put the panty opening over the corner of my foot board. Her lace dark blue panties hung there. She climbed on top of the bed, which was easy for her, because she was so tall. She kneeled on both sides of my abdomen.

Her hand reached for my penis to lift it up and point it toward her cunt. I always loved that moment, because it made girls hunch over a little. They were always so cautious and focused, when they funneled my penis into their pussy.

“Condom,” blurted out of my mouth.

“Don’t worry. I have seen your chart. You are clean.”

I smiled. I felt her bare pussy, the wet, soft mucous membranes against my bare skin. I was too old that catching a bug would not matter much. Her insides were still a little dry. My skin got pulled hard. Her hips moved an inch up and down. On the second stroke, it slipped in smooth as an eel.

She slowly unbuttoned her white medical jacket to show me her flat belly button and light blue lace bra. “You deserve a little show,” she said lifting a bang out of her face.

I watched her half undressed was so sexy. Her shiny red high heels were moving around on my white blankets with her thumping downward movement. Her hair turned quickly messy hanging over her face. Her lower lip hang limp with her mouth slightly open. Her eyes were closed with the intention turned deeply inward to feel the fire in her loin. She moaned with a visceral shiver. She was in her own world.

She leaned forward to rest on her hands next to my shoulder. She starred me straight into the eyes with her vibrantly blue bedroom eyes and half closed black painted eye lashes. Her lower lip pressed against her upper teeth, as if she was holding something back.

“You are such a disgusting old fart. You don’t even seem human with your curved hump. Your face is so distorted from pain. And, I, the beautiful rose, throw myself on top of you. I feel so debased to take you into my most intimate place.”

I moaned softly. Whatever got her off. I was too focused on my cock inside of her.

“What do you smell like?” she leaned forward to smell my neck. “You smell like, death, disease, and old age. It is so disgusting. All that smell is rubbing itself off in my pussy.”

I watched her with wide open eyes. Her belly with girding itself around my penis. Her abdomen was tense to pull her loin over my penis with the right thrust and angle. The fire in her loins was burning at 345 degrees. Her face had tears running down her face. She was crying. There was intense sadness in her face.

She found the catheter in the crook of my arm. She played with it. “You are sick. You lost all your beauty. You are just a heap of old bones. Your body is so frail that it is disgusting. I fear that I would break you, if I’d lean on you. You mumble, when you speak, because your jaw is deteriorating. Nobody likes you anymore. I could have been a model. And, now I’m thrown onto the lowest subhuman. I am so worthless to fuck you.”

With each word, her mouth spit at me. The spit only turned me on even more. I felt reluctant about her words. However, each word fired her loins on to be even more intense. I could feel her pussy gripping tighter.

“Go ahead, grab my ass, suck my tits. I want you to take me, like when you raped my mouth. Just wrap all your old age and hate around me.

I did not wait a second. My right hand reached under her coat to grab her juicy ass. She popped her boobs out of her bra, yet kept the bra on under her boobs. I hungrily sucked on her big nipples. She moaned out and dropped her head back. “Yeah, wrap your disgust, death, and baseness all around me. Envelop and drown me in abandonment.”

The more I pushed myself on her, the more her buttons were pushed. Her whole body was raking and twisting over mine. My hand wrapped around her boob. It was a big bubble of natural mammary gland in my hand. Her pussy was so extremely wet now that I could barely feel her. And, that’s why she was slamming herself so hard onto me. Sweet pooled at the inside tendons of her thigh from the exertion. It made a slapping and sucking sound with each thrust.

“I want to feel your cripple cum inside of my belly.” Her eyes opened again. It was an intense display of disgust, anger, hate, sadness, and ecstasy taking over and chasing each other. Her head would cock back in disgust, while her teeth would bite her lip seductively. A tear would roll down her eyes, while intensity of hate starred right at me. She was punishing, beating me with her pussy in that moment. And, then a guttural inhale burst out of the erotic tension in her body.

The drain in my penis spasmed. I could not hold back. My cum freely shot inside of her. She whispered out of breath, “just in the right moment.” I couldn’t breathe. She couldn’t breathe.

The moment burned into my mind: her wicked face leaned over me. Her medical coat, hair, and makeup were an utter mess. Her little tight body under those clothes was full of tension and fluid motions.

Drowsy from the orgasm, I barely registered the rest. She pulled herself off me. A long wet spurt of fluid came out of her — a mixture of her pussy juices and my cum. She wiped it off with my white crumbled bed sheets. She buttoned her medical jacket up swiftly. She twirled her lace panties around her finger for a swirl and stuffed it into her coat jacket. She walked out as before.

– The End –